finding joy

I rolled over as the alarm went off and then cuddled up to my partner as he hit snooze for the third time.

I glanced at the end of the bed to see both of our cats curled up at our feet; I felt joy and gratitude for this beautiful moment.

Our relationship brought our kitties together and with some thoughtful introduction, they have become best friends. The four of us are a little family; I never thought I could be so lucky.

It’s these lazy mornings spent snuggling that I have come to treasure. The lazy mornings we all spend basking in love and joy. Lazy mornings aren’t a given, but rather a gift.

With such full and busy lives, it can be hard to make room in our schedules to enjoy downtime when we wake up; I know that these mornings will come and go.

I am treasuring them now after quitting my job when I realized that everything I was giving up: my relationships, my mental, physical, and emotional health, and most importantly my joy, would never be compensated by the company I was working for; I was sacrificing too much.

As scary as it can be to quit, I now find myself with whole days structured around my priorities, wants, and needs. I am still making sacrifices, but they are ones I am willing to make for the lazy mornings.

My joy is coming back fiercer than ever.

My joy is emerging in the slow mornings I get to spend nurturing my relationship. My joy is coming back in all the time I get to spend writing. My joy is coming back in the spontaneous nature walks I embark upon regardless of the day or time.

My joy is coming back in the knowledge that I advocated for myself and that when I needed to, I leaped into the unknown as I chose to take care of me.

My joy is motivating me and protecting me as I tackle each day with the only goal of shaping myself into the person I want to be tomorrow.

My joy will also come and go. I probably won’t get to have lazy mornings forever, or maybe they will look different, but I am not going to say it isn’t possible.

You start to wonder who you could become if you spent every day taking care of yourself and leaning into the joy. You start to wonder if maybe you never have to go back to the way it was before. You start to wonder what you could accomplish.

You start to wonder while embracing the joy you have received and wielding the power you have granted yourself as you explore your options, dreams, and endless possibilities.

You start to wonder if sacrificing your joy is worth it.

I know that my joy isn’t worth sacrificing, and when it fades I will always have these treasured moments to bring it back.