honor your limits

A letter from a friend, for those of us who can be overly nice:

We will let people down.

You will let people down.

Sometimes we won’t do what other people think is best. Sometimes we can’t show up for them in their time of need.

I, for one, have caught myself doing things to “just be nice”, to do the “right” thing, or to be a “good person” (by default). I have felt an obligation to lend a hand, regardless of my physical exhaustion or emotional capacity.

Helping others brings us happiness. It shouldn’t take it away.

Sometimes you have to say no; it might make you feel like an asshole, but you’re not. Sometimes it’s your job to prioritize you.

If you don’t like something, tell someone. If you are unable to show up in the ways someone else wants, tell them. If you need a boundary, tell them.

If this person cares about you, they want you to be happy too. They only want you to help if you have that energy to give.

You have a common goal.

So let’s stop making people happy at the expense of our own.

Nobody wants that. Well, maybe some philosophers or collectivistic cultures . . . but for the sake of this argument, let’s stay on track.

Now, I am not saying that you should just stop showing up for everyone all the time; but I am saying that sometimes you can cocoon. Sometimes you can speak your truth. Sometimes you need to.

So this is a reminder to be brave. A reminder to stand up for yourself and say no. A reminder to not offer to help if you don’t want to.

A reminder to set boundaries.

A reminder to fight for the things that bring you joy. A reminder for you.

You don’t owe anyone anything.

You are worthy of happiness. Start honoring your limits.