worthy of love

We are forever working on loving ourselves more.

Falling in love with me has been a journey. I remember years back, a moment when I was looking at an old photo of myself with pink wire-rimmed glasses, a fluffy blue turtleneck, and frizzy hair, and I cringed. This past version of me, I had decided, was Gertrude; a different person whom I disconnected from because I didn’t like the way she looked.

But she is me. She is my past and disliking her only hurts me.

Hating myself for not having a fashion sense or not adhering to the ever-changing rules of what is or isn’t attractive only increases my self-criticism; it only undermines my confidence, acceptance, love, and empathy.

Society wants to tell us who is “deserving” of self-love based on an arbitrary definition of beautiful. Fitting that definition of beautiful is impossible, but I used to take a million selfies to try; there’s no shame in a little confidence boost when you need it.

However, the selfies weren’t about my beauty, they were depictions of my appearance. I wanted to look a certain way to feel good about myself.

The selfies helped me define my worthiness based on the size of my eyes or how my hair flowed; I wasn’t interested in seeing how my inner light shined so brightly.

In a world so concerned with appearances, it’s easy to keep falling back into that trap.

There are still some days where I catch myself critiquing; critiquing myself or others for how we look. I try to catch myself and remember that those critiques are just a reflection of my insecurities; they serve as a self-reminder to show those parts of me more compassion.

Self-love is a journey and there’s always something we can work on loving a little bit more.

Some days we won’t like the way we look, but that doesn’t mean we can’t like us. That doesn’t mean we can’t show our human form some appreciation for carrying our souls as we navigate this harsh world.

When we start to love who we are and when we start to accept us for us, we start to shine, and that beauty can be felt by the people and the world around us. I think that is true beauty; not something society tries to shape or mold, but rather a wholehearted embrace of who we are.

This pandemic has introduced me to living in my pajamas, never wearing makeup, and occasionally brushing my hair; I am existing in the world, for the very first time, in my rawest form. I am seeing myself without all the filters.

I am turning inward and finding love for who I am that isn’t dependent on what I look like. I am reaching for a feeling rather than society’s obsession with a weight goal or an eyeliner wing.

True self-love is self-acceptance. It’s lighting a fire inside you that shines so brightly you start to light the world around you. True self-love is kindled with gentleness and grace.

Let’s start allowing ourselves to exist in this world exactly as we are; with all of our quirks, bad hair days, and capacity to show up.

Let’s start showing ourselves some compassion; for the past and current versions of us. Let’s start redefining beauty to be something that we can’t see, but something that we can feel. Let’s start leading by example by igniting our fires so brightly, that our friends and family use those sparks to light their own.

Let’s remember that through it all we have been doing the best we can; we have had struggles and worries, we have navigated some dark times and some bright times. Let’s celebrate who we were as a part of the journey that made us who we are today.

Let’s remember that society’s definition of “deserving” of love is simply another way to create hierarchies, sell products, and make it easier for us to categorize people. You are not deserving of love, because love isn’t something you have to earn; you have been and will always be, worthy of love.

In case you missed it: I have been and will always be, worthy of love, always.

If you want some support on your self-love journey or need help reframing the ways you define your worthiness, check out the self-love page where I share how I continually support me, loving me.

Let’s all learn to love ourselves a little bit more.